Idiocy Supreme
by Chronologic
Summary: Allen's on the run from Jasdebi, who are trying to make him pay their debts. Kanda is on the run from Tiedoll and an idolizing Chaoji. And Lavi's not running anywhere, but he will be soon when he meets Allen and Kanda. AU Yullen! Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1: On the Run

I posted another fanfiction.

I wrote an idea down a long time ago, and then I decided to write it up today with all my free time. The chapters are probably going to be really short, but I might make longer ones in the future.

The Yullen is probably going to come in a few chapters, but definitely not Chapter 1 or Chapter 2.

I hope you enjoy! :D

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**Idiocy Supreme**

**Summary:**

Allen's on the run from Jasdebi, who are trying to make him pay their debts. Kanda is on the run from Tiedoll and an idolizing Chaoji. And Lavi's not running anywhere, but he will be soon when he meets Allen and Kanda. AU Yullen! Crackfic.

**Chapter 1**

Allen hightailed it onto a nearby old-fashioned carriage, apologizing to the owner whole-heartedly before shoving him off.

The Jasdebi twins screeched, "Cross's idiot discipile, come back and pay your debts!"

"Noooo!" Allen cried in response, grabbing the reins tightly. The horses bucked at the sudden pull, and Allen shrieked in terror as the carriage tipped backwards before landing roughly on the ground again.

Irked, the twins raised their guns and yelled, "Red Bomb!"

"Ehhhh?!"

A huge ball of red energy headed for the carriage.

Oh, crap.

Allen let loose a terrified squeak and sprang like a rabbit from the seat.

Unfortunately, the horses whinnied and kicked him. Ouch.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Poor Allen was blasted away by the red energy.

Lying facedown in a heap, Allen remained motionless.

Jasdebi walked over to the heap. Jasdero blinked and said, "Debi, I think we killed him."

"Dero, I think we did."

They looked at each other for a long time, and a gust of wind blew gently.

Realization dawned on their faces, followed by shock.

They didn't have anyone to pay for the debts left by Cross.

A loud string of curses could be heard.

--

Kanda was running for his life.

Actually, it was his pride that he was running for.

Chaoji and Tiedoll were following him.

If they caught up to him, Kanda would be stripped of his pride and most likely sulk in a corner of woe. And the samurai didn't want that.

"Kanda-san, you run so fast! Teach me how to run that fast!" Chaoji yelled, his eyes shining.

"Yuu-kun, my son, I haven't seen you in so long!" cried out Tiedoll, whose arms were wide open to embrace him.

Kanda visibly shuddered.

And then a chunk of burnt wood hit him in the face.

"What the-" Another chunk came flying, and his eyes zeroed in on the source.

There was a heap of black burnt stuff that was smoking a little.

Uninterested, Kanda turned a sharp right and continued running.

"Yuu-kun! Come back!"

"Kanda-san, you're my idol!"

Finally.

He had lost them. A sigh escaped him.

But what Kanda didn't know was that something much, much worse was going to come.

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I'm trying to cure my writer's block that is affecting my other fanfictions.

So I'm writing this one. :D

Please review!


	2. Chapter 2: Weird Black Pile

Hi!

This is the second chapter.

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**Chapter 2**

Allen shifted and cracked open his eyes.

His body hurt all over, and when he lifted his hand up to his face, it was black and sooty. Allen stood up with much difficulty.

He grabbed onto one of the pieces of the broken carriage to steady himself.

It hurt a lot to move.

Taking steps slowly, Allen moved forward.

'_Keep on walking..' _he thought. _'I need food..'_

Tired and aching all over, Allen collapsed on a nearby street, next to a long-haired person who was being prodded with a stick by a red-head.

"Oh, are you okay?" asked the red-head, jabbing the long-haired one roughly.

"No..." Allen groaned. "Who are you?"

"I'm Lavi, nice to meet you," Lavi greeted.

"I'm Allen."

Then Lavi jabbed the figure again.

The figure moved and a fist met Lavi's nose with a sickening crunch.

"Ahhh!" cried Lavi, dropping the stick.

"Why the heck were you trying to _skewer _me, baka?" the victim snarled.

"I wasn't! You were asleep, so I was trying to wake you up!" the other protested. "By the way, what's your name?"

"My name's Kanda, baka usagi, and if you call me anything else, you're dead," Kanda hissed.

Then Kanda noticed Allen.

Without thinking, Kanda said, "You look like that weird black pile of burnt stuff that I saw yesterday." He shot a funny look at Allen, frowning.

Allen blinked.

Lavi started laughing his head off, collapsing to the ground and pounding it as he laughed.

They stared at him like he had three heads.

"That's..just..so funny..!" Lavi managed out between gasps. "Hahaha.."

"That's not very funny," Allen said angrily. "If you were called a weird black pile of burnt stuff that someone saw yesterday, you wouldn't be laughing."

Lavi cracked up again, tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes.

"You _were _the thing I saw yesterday?" Kanda asked, frowning.

"Yeah, what do you think?" the soot-covered teen snapped back.

Kanda wheezed and turned away, his shoulders shaking.

At first, Allen thought Kanda was sick. "Kanda, are you okay?" he inquired, a worried look on his face.

Kanda didn't reply and gasped at a fast rate, his back to Allen.

Then he realized that Kanda was _laughing._

Oh, so now he was the clown.

Kanda stopped wheezing and turned around again. Lavi was holding his broken nose and chuckling.

"I'm hungry," Allen complained.

"So am I," chimed in Lavi. "Kanda, go buy us food."

"No," replied Kanda. _'The two idiots will come after me again.'_

"Okay, I'll get Bookman.." sighed the red-head.

"You idiot, I'm right here," a slightly raspy voice said, revealing an elderly man with black makeup around his eyes.

Lavi gulped.

Bookman glared. "You've got a lot of stuff to explain."

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Review!

I hope you liked it. :3

And I updated this story on the day it was created. :D


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